Mom wants me to take it easy on my back,but here’s my tennis ball and I’M BORED! Whinewhimpersniffle.
Things that are hard to believe:
- My last post was way back in February.
- At that time, we were celebrating 4 month ampuversary (only 4 months?)
- Yesterday was Tipper’s SEVEN month ampuversary! Holy Cow!
- We did not write to celebrate our sixth and final chemo treatment in April.
- The cancer is back – in spite of the terrific “probable remission” designation on our previous couple of reports.
Things that are awesome:
- I’m taking this in stride. Much moreso than I thought I ever would. Tipper is a great teacher in the zen of dog.
- It’s not arthritis in Tipper’s spine like we thought. It’s cancer…sooo… why is this “good”? It’s not good. Definitely not good. Especially considering there’s also a lung lesion. However, we CAN do something about this to at least maybe, temporarily, REDUCE the tumor and reduce the pain. With arthritis, it can only get worse.
- Our oncologist, Dr. Obradovich. And everybody else at ACIC in Canton. Awesome.
After losing my lab Lexy to hemangiosarcoma in Dec. 2013, I promised myself I won’t ever, ever let my fur babies – current and future – suffer the way she suffered. Her diagnosis came late. In hindsight, it took too long for my brain and my heart to catch up to reality. She suffered just a few days longer than was acceptable now that I look back. I should be more forgiving of myself; we all do the best we can. At any rate, I definitely do not want that for my Tipster Doodle.
CHANGING PERCEPTIONS –
Originally, the plan was to go for the standard of care – amputation and 6 chemo treatments – and then let go and let God. A few weeks ago, Tipper’s first post-chemo x-rays showed irregularities, both of which had grown by the time we had this week’s visit. While I’m working on acceptance, it’s hard not to fall under the spell of Dr. Obradovich’s optimism. When I asked her if I should forego treatment and do my best to help him keep comfortable, she was adamant that we’re not at that stage right now.
Money is tight. Money is very, very tight. But, as I heard another client say at the clinic the other day, “You can’t take it with you.” Fortunately, my teaching job allows for extra summer work. I’ll forego some of my usual fall expenditures on clothing and books for my classroom. I don’t want to have to make decisions for Tipper that are limited by money, but I’m not a complete ding dong.
Even with money out of the equation, I struggle with the idea of continuing treatments. I didn’t even opt for metronomics after our last chemo treatment. But now, it seems unfair to Tipper to NOT do everything possible to help him feel well while he rides out his disease. He’s still a healthy, happy camper. His back hurts (stupid tumor), but that’s not preventing him from bolting to the window or racing the perimeter of the fence when he suspects a passer-by. He wants to play ball – he just doesn’t always want to actually go very far to fetch it. He’s enjoying all the things he’s always enjoyed, albeit at a slightly slower pace at times. And sometimes an ouch yelp if we overdo it. He begs for food by lifting himself up to paw me with his one front leg. He wakes me up in the middle of the night for treats. He tricks me into letting him outside just so he can come back in and get a treat. He begs at the cupboard for food. He begs at the refrigerator for the tennis balls I “hide” up there when I’ve had enough of them. He makes it impossible for me to talk on the phone without tossing a ball for him outside.
On the other hand, is it unfair to keep piecing him back together just to put off the inevitable? My gut is divided on this one. 🙁 While the “probable remission” diagnosis a few months back had me hopeful, I still accept that every day is a gift. Where’s the line between giving positive, palliative care and knowing when to stop? Right now, it seems like going ahead with another chemo treatment or two, if it’s helping reduce the new bone tumor, is going to help Tipper feel better. He’s handled treatments like a champ thus far. And, it sounds like there are still many palliative options that can keep him going like a champ for a while.
Dr. O is convinced that since he’s been such a trooper and is still strong and healthy, there are many options ahead to slow down the spread of things. So far, though, it sounds like she’s defining “success” as a few months.
Again, my gut is still divided. The one thing I can’t do is nothing.
Okay, get reasy for some loud applause along with a standing ovation! 🙂 🙂 You are a courageous and insightful Soul who clearly has Tipper’s best interest at heart!
Based on what you’ve said and based on what the Onco has told you, it sounds like another chemo is what resonates best with you.
I certainly have no input on whether this approach gets good results or not. Sometimes it comes down to which path would we second guess the least. If you did NOT try this chemo, would you “regret” it? Or could you be comfortable not pursuing it and not second guessing yourself. I just wish.we had guarantees.one way or another, but we don’t. Stupid piece of crap disease!!
I’m going to.make a suggestion.in the “for whatever it’s worth” column. Make a post under the “Ask a Vet” thread. She volunteers.her expertise. She originally came here because her Mastiff needed an amputation due to osteosarcoma. She may be avle ro give you some insight.
I hear you loud and clear that you want to do whatever you can to make whatever time Tipper has to be comfortable! That’s what’s important right now, not days on a calendar. As always Tipper doesn’t.have a timeframe stamped on that cute butt of his!
It sounds like Tipper.is still enjoying being Tipper! That’s such a good thing! 🙂
Keep us posted and get us some pictures!
BTW….Wakes you up in tne middle of the night for treats???? I LOVE THIS DOG!!! 🙂
Love….and still applauding you!!
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
It’s always so hard to start listing things in columns – the good vs. the bad; the yes vs. the no. It’s hard for any one of us to tell you what you should do. Sally has a good idea, to post it in ‘ask a vet’ and see what response you get there. It does sound to me like Tipper is living life on his terms, though. But I’m not sure if the chemo would help that or not….ugh! I worry about when I get to that same point with Murphy..keeping that balance, but not going so far that he suffers. It doesn’t sound like Tipper is suffering, at least not any more than if he did have a little arthritis or something. He’s eating, playing, conniving lol, all of those things that makes him him 🙂 It sounds like right now you’re still on the right path, and I would probably be picking up the over time, too.
Donna
It’s always so hard to start listing things in columns – the good vs. the bad; the yes vs. the no. It’s hard for any one of us to tell you what you should do. Sally has a good idea, to post it in ‘ask a vet’ and see what response you get there. It does sound to me like Tipper is living life on his terms, though. But I’m not sure if the chemo would help that or not….ugh! I worry about when I get to that same point with Murphy..keeping that balance, but not going so far that he suffers. It doesn’t sound like Tipper is suffering, at least not any more than if he did have a little arthritis or something. He’s eating, playing, conniving lol, all of those things that makes him, him 🙂 It sounds like right now you’re still on the right path, and I would probably be picking up the over time, too.
Donna
Ohhhhh I love your attitude and approach to living WITH this stupid disease. You and Tipper are true role models for all of us. I like that you’re grounded in reality yet hopeful and optimistic. Everyone needs a dash of that while they’re coping with cancer, especially at this stage (which I’m so sorry for, I hate that you’re already there, it breaks my heart).
Knowing when it’s time is the million dollar question. You are one step ahead though, as you keep your previous experience with Lexi in mind. Turn that grief into something that helps Tipper and you’re so much better off. I can see you’re doing that now.
We have a lot of info about knowing when it’s time. Search our blogs for “Hospice” and you’ll find tons. One of my favorite posts is:
http://tripawds.com/2011/10/25/penny-jars-measure-a-dogs-quality-of-life/
And can I just say one thing? I REALLY like your oncologist. If you’d like to give a shout-out, please do at http://tripawds.com/forums/veterinary-specialist-referrals/
Keep us posted OK? Don’t spend too much time on your computer though, Tipper wants you to throw that ball, darnit!
xoxo
Tipper’s not even thrilled about his ball at this point. 🙁 He’s even given in to Logan. He’s not acting all alpha anymore.
Still eating enthusiastically, lots of tail wagging. To be fair, he *wants* to play with his ball, but most of the time it hurts for him to bend his neck down and pick it up.
On the plus side, my mom accidentally gave him a double dose of the wrong medication this afternoon (don’t worry, I covered all the bases to make sure it’s ok) and he was quite chipper and nosy and bossy this evening. Now, he’s a snoozing away. It’s ok for me to be on the computer as long as I spend enough time rubbing his belly. He lets me know when to start up again. 🙂